best of










I Need to "See a Man About a... [30 Nov 2005 | 11:03am]

The winners:

Dog: 10,700
Horse: 818
Camel: 45
Cat: 37
Llama: 18

The honorable mentions:

Gorilla: 5
Rabbit: 4
Parrot: 3
Python: 3
Goldfish: 2
Gecko: 2
Dolphin: 1
Rattlesnake: 1

The losers:

Alpaca: 0
Chimp: 0
Tuna: 0
Porpoise: 0
Cottonmouth: 0
Cobra: 0
Hamster: 0
Gerbil: 0
Dung Beetle: 0
Echidna: 0

( results courtesy of Google )

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I Just Need to Give Her More Time... [29 Nov 2005 | 11:26am]

From Websnark:
    We know that Questionable Content isn't ending soon. And yet, the core conflict's being poked. Faye has asked Marten if he has feelings for her. He has admitted it. Now, she's going to tell him why she can't feel the same way about him. Note, she's not telling him she doesn't feel the same way. She's going to tell him why she can't. They're very different things.
Whoa, where did we cross the line from abnormally complex dissection of comic characters' psyches to trotting out one's own rationalizations for spending high school pining away after an unattainable classmate?

I mean, come on. I like Websnark and all, but still, come on.

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0) girl/world [15 Nov 2005 | 01:29pm]

I like to "joke" that songs which rhyme "girl" with "world" are pieces of crap. Can you identify the songs which contain the following more exciting rhymes?

1) laugh/bath
2) to Karen/LeBaron
3) gravity/Rabbit, he
4) it all/U-Haul
5) qu'est que c'est/run away
6) oyster/cloister
7) intrude/construed/crude
8) mountains/fountains
9) fountain/mountain
10) cabinet/Antoinette

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Lyrics of the Day [14 Nov 2005 | 03:09pm]

"Ba-dap, ba-dap-ba-ba
Ba-dap, ba-ba-ba-dap-ba-ba
Ba-dap, ba-ba-ba-dap-ba-ba-ba-ba-dap-ba"

-- Death Cab for Cutie, "Soul Meets Body"

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Batshit Insane [02 Nov 2005 | 06:34pm]

( from Websnark: )
    Chaobell [...] has suggested that whenever a person uses the phrase batshit insane they should link to Jack Thompson's entry in Wikipedia. Of course, this is to build the proper corrolation between Thompson and the phrase batshit insane in Google.
Sounds like a plan to me.

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Open Letter to a Jackass: [27 Oct 2005 | 01:40pm]

Dir Sir Who Has Severe Aiming Problems (or One Hell of a Tremor) in the Work Mens' Room:

In the inimitable words of Miss Emma Story: "Go eat a dick. I mean it -- I strongly urge you to find and consume a penis. You think I'm kidding!"

Thank you for your time.

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Have a Baby? Leave a Baby! [24 Oct 2005 | 02:13pm]

Whenever I see one of those "Koala Bear Kare Baby Changing Stations" in a restroom, I feel the urge to alter the sign so it reads, "Baby Exchanging Station." What a great image: a plastic table full of available babies in each and every restroom! Need a baby? Take a baby!

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Submitted Without Comment [19 Oct 2005 | 04:09pm]

( from The Boston Globe )
    On the fourth-grade math test, 57 percent of white students scored "proficient" or better, but only 14 percent of Hispanic fourth-graders reached that level.

    The gap in reading scores was even wider.

    On the fourth-grade reading test, 51 percent of white students scored proficient or better, while only 11 percent of Hispanic fourth graders reached the same level.
Well, mostly without comment; hint: the funny bit is in the numbers.

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How Have I Missed This Comic for All This Time? [14 Oct 2005 | 05:23pm]

( from: Toothpaste for Dinner )


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The attack came suddenly, without warning. [23 Sep 2005 | 01:01pm]

LJ Interests meme results

  1. cattle prods:
    I cancelled my credit cards later that day, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was forgetting something.  I felt as though a small but critical portion of my brain had been wiped -- no, scoured clean, with a coarse grit.  I ran though the hypothetical contents of my hypothetical wallet over and over: cash, credit cards, photos -- those were the worst, the most irreplaceable, and... what?  A ticket?  A claim ticket?  A movie ticket?

    The clean, pure electricity had reset me, and left me cold.
  2. egg whites:
    The protein helped.  By early evening, I felt a little more like myself, I think.  In any case, I felt a little more like someone, and a little less like a freshly washed white board.  Nobody called about a missed appointment.
  3. greta garbo:
    I woke up with a start.  "People come, people go. Nothing ever happens."  The words echoed in my mind.  A film.

    The hole in my mind was being filled -- I could feel it.  Accretions of associations, random silts settling from my mental waters.  I'd lost the word for them, these odd, imagined fellows which had no home, these
  4. kipple:
    intellectual vagrants.  I had no defense against them, either.

    I fell asleep, again.
  5. neverwhere:
    I dreamed.
  6. perl:
    I dreamed of words, so many words.  Words like thunder, like gemstones, like flaws.  Words that had never existed, that could not exist.  Words which were not me, but which summed me, completed me.  I dreamed, and I was nothing but a process.
  7. ritz:
    In the morning, I awoke in a hotel bed.  The previous night had faded into day, like
  8. stars:
    the moon beneath the onslaught of the sun.  In the warmth and light, I began to feel whole again.
  9. triage:
    Time heals, they say, and I guess it does.  I remember, and sometimes that is a blessing.  Sometimes the memories are fond, like a beloved film, seen again for the first time.  Sometimes they are melancholy like a list of things to do, now beyond action.  Sometimes, they make no sense, and those, perhaps, are the most inspiring.
  10. zoo guards:

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your  interest list.

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...for a White Chrysler LeBaron [08 Sep 2005 | 06:13pm]

What songs should we be listening to?

Some suggestions:

Short Skirt, Long Jacket, by Cake
Golden Age of Radio, by Josh Ritter
You Win Again, by The Bee Gees
The Promise, by When In Rome
Beautiful Freak, by Eels
Papa Was a Rodeo, by The Magnetic Fields
Don't Look Back in Anger, by Oasis
The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead, by XTC
The Scientist, by Coldplay
America, by Simon & Garfunkel

Any others?

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The Onion Writers Are Angry [07 Sep 2005 | 07:39pm]

( from The Onion's Hurricane Katrina Coverage )
    Louisiana National Guard Offers Help By Phone From Iraq

    BAGHDAD—The 4,000 Louisiana National Guardsmen stationed in Iraq, representing over a third of the state's troops, called home this week to find out what, if any, help they could offer Katrina survivors from overseas. "The soldiers wanted to know if they could call 911 for anyone, or perhaps send some water via FedEx," said Louisiana National Guard spokesman Lt. Col. Pete Schneider. The Guardsmen also "would love to send generators, rations, and Black Hawk helicopters for rescue missions," but, said Schneider, "we desperately need these in Iraq to stay alive." Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld praised the phone support, but noted that it would take months to transfer any equipment from Iraq to New Orleans, saying, "You fight a national disaster with the equipment you have."

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The Magnetic Fields [02 Sep 2005 | 07:31pm]

I like them.  Him.  Whatever.

Trust me on this.

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Huh? [19 Aug 2005 | 03:19pm]

    The agency calculates that 545 grams of methamphetamine produced one pound of product and a single gram is enough for one hit. The DEA said those figures are on the high end of methamphetamine use.
What the hell does that even mean?  I thought methamphetamine was the product.  I thought there were less that 500 grams in a pound.  And what in God's name is the high end of methamphetamine use?

Was this article written after a bit of, how do you say, empirical testing?

( from an AP article about a DEA bust. )

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The Plural of Catharsis is Catharses. [02 Aug 2005 | 04:51pm]

I like Warren Zevon's music, but in a different way than I like Lyle Lovett's, but that's not where this post begins.

It begins with a dead dog.

Much text follows.Collapse )

I don't know why the dog is dead yet.  Sorry.  I hope I didn't lead anyone on, there.

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Metal Gear Rose [01 Aug 2005 | 04:03pm]

Oh, man, I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt this way during Metal Gear Solid 2:

Clicky for the full, hilarious (if context sensitive) VG Cats comic.

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Two Unrelated Things [25 Jul 2005 | 05:01pm]

Thing the First:

I love AchewoodThis particular strip is a good example of why.

Thing the Second:

I really like the They Might Be Giants cover Yeh Yeh, but every time I hear it, it makes me sad, because it makes me think of a dear friend of mine who died in a car accident.

Thing the Summary:

An upper and a downer.  Gotta keep things even, you know.

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[22 Jul 2005 | 03:36pm]

This seems kinda fun, and you know how I typically feel about memes.  (They suck.  (That's how I feel.  (In case you didn't know.  (You do now.  (You know.)))))

1. Think of the first word that comes to mind when you think of me.  (Hey, stop that!)
2. Do a Google Image Search for that word.  (Eek!  SafeSearch!  SafeSearch!)
3. Reply to this post with one of the pictures on the first page of results -- don't tell me the word.  (No hints, neither.)
4. Put this in your own blog so that I can do the same.  (Unless I stole it from you, as I did from creentmerveille.)

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Not a Spoiler... [19 Jul 2005 | 04:23pm]

...but important nonetheless:

( Ganked from here. )

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And the Award for Best Obfuscatory Description of a Bug Fix... [18 Jul 2005 | 06:30pm]

...goes to the following gem from the details of the World of Warcraft 1.6.0 patch:
  • You no longer spout profanity when talking about sitting while drunk.

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